


Deflower me

by thelesserneptune



Series: The Opening of Heaven's Gate [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 19x19, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Louis, Dom/sub Undertones, Frat Boy Harry Styles, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Pining, Top Harry, Twink Louis, Unrequited Love, Virgin Louis, pretty much pwp tbh, well not actually but he strongly looks like one, which i know it's too long for pwp but i have nothing to say to defend my case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 15:41:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19930471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelesserneptune/pseuds/thelesserneptune
Summary: Louis is a proud virgin, and no matter how much society tries to make him feel like a freak for not acting on his natural urges, he doesn't suffer from his lack of experience. He has never felt drawn to someone in a way that made him want to get involved sexually with them, and he isn't planning on rushing himself so he can get some because people think it's what he should do.In walks Fratboy, the Serial Haunter of His (wet) Dreams, who thankfully has a little business going on that might be just what Louis needs.Or : everyone is 19 and horny, and Louis just really wants to get fucked by Harry





	Deflower me

**Author's Note:**

> hi, i'm neptune, and this was supposed to be under 10k wtf happened  
> a big thank you to my beta Katie for making this actually understandable and reassuring me on my 'first ever smut i wrote' feelings  
> (also deflowering is a bit of a disgusting word but LiStEn iT sOuNdS gOoD)  
> inspired by : my anger at the unhealthy and weird obsession with virginity & my wish for everyone to have a good memory of their first time

Society’s ideas were wrong in many ways, and letting oneself be fooled by ‘but it’s better now than it was then’ would lead nowhere. While Louis wasn’t one to deny that humans had come a long way, especially in merely a century, he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes when someone was being a bit too backward in their thinking; which was unfair, he knew, for people couldn’t erase their education and natural behaviours in the blink of an eye. It’s just – there exists so many ways to get information on every topic nowadays, and he thought people had finally learned that they had no say on what another does with their body if it didn’t affect them directly. He wasn’t talking about respecting every choice another made, hell even he was guilty of judging some of those within a second of hearing about them, but to know their place and not feel they had some God-given right to give off unnecessary advice or worse, mockeries.

And while Louis prided himself on just being a respectful person that was raised right, maybe the bitterness of hearing gasps and pats on the back and invasive questions whenever he said he was still a virgin had a part to play in it. It was so stupid: people didn’t need to have sex to be fulfilled or complete or real adults. Not only was it disrespectful to virgins, it was disrespectful to asexuals and any and all people who weren’t interested in or couldn’t have sexual intercourse. It was also the reason so many young people had sex when they didn’t really want to, when they weren’t ready, sometimes coaxed into it by older people preying on their insecurities and the peer pressure that would often come from school. And the whole matter was even worse for women: not having sex when everyone already had it made you a prude and/or undesirable; having it at a young age or any time before settling down made you a slut and/or undesirable. It was a lose-lose situation, and it would be for as long as people didn’t consider that a) virginity is a stupid concept created as a way to control people’s sexual lives, and especially women’s so the family structure wouldn’t fall apart and b) what people did with their genitalia, whether it was stick them in someone from their own gender or another, have something stick inside them, all of this at once or nothing at all, didn’t call for their opinion as long as everyone was consenting and safe.

All in all, he might not have been wearing a shirt saying ‘VIRGIN AND PROUD’, but he also wasn’t moping because he was a nineteen-year-old guy in university who hadn’t had a hand – or anything else, for that matter – that wasn’t his touch him anywhere private, ever. Hell, even his first and only kiss hadn’t been too great, the only time he had bowed under peer pressure and forced himself to do something he hadn’t truly wanted. He sincerely hoped he hadn’t traumatised thirteen-year-old Cho at Uncle Yaser’s wedding as much as her cutting braces had scarred him.

It didn’t seem that important to him. He wasn’t completely uninterested or even repulsed by it, as his 3am internet history and his crude jokes can prove, it just wasn’t something he had ever found himself craving with someone else. At least until recently.

Louis may wear glasses and really not be able to see twenty centimetres in front of him without them, but he wasn’t blind. He had obviously noticed all the hot people there were at uni, just as he had back in high school, and in the streets, and in random places. But whilst his eyes loved caressing the sweet features of an attractive person, the rest of his body had never felt the need to follow through with any actual contact. He could appreciate someone’s beauty without wanting to fuck them through the mattress, is all he’s saying.

But then, on a fateful Tuesday afternoon, as he was leaving his Spanish class, he tripped over the small step he always forgot about and fell straight into someone, who thankfully had more balance than he did. He escaped the pain of falling once again on his knees when two strong arms kept him just above the ground and pulled him upwards. However, his book and glasses hadn’t had that much luck and ended up somewhere on the floor, and in a Velma-like fashion he dropped back to the ground to look for them by feeling around, squinting his eyes as if that would help. When he finally touched what he could only guess were his glasses – who were, God bless, in one piece – he put them on to carry on with gathering his papers which had flown around. Before he could go through with it a hand appeared in his line of sight holding them all up, messy and not in the right order anymore, but all together nonetheless. Realising he hadn’t thanked the person who helped him up, he took the papers and raised his head whilst apologising and thanking profusely in intervals.

All came to a stop when he saw an actual angel. At least, that’s what the halo around his head would lead you to think, but maybe it was just a well-placed window and a sunny day. Details.

He blushed when he realised that he was on his knees in front of the fit stranger, who was still looking down at him and why on earth was the lightning such that he couldn’t see his features or even just what kind of emotion might be going through his mind right now. That was bullshit and also homophobia.

The same hand appeared once again in front of his face, and for the first time in his life Louis got it. Five centimetres from his face, strong and firm and waiting for him to take it, he could somehow only think ‘I want those fingers in my mouth’. He took it hastily, before he could think of all the other places he wanted them.

His butt. He was talking about his butt. Well, tangled in his hair and wrapped around his thighs and ghosting his sides and twisting his nipples and holding his wrists and caressing his cock and about a hundred and two other situations would be nice as well, but let’s not get too side-tracked.

He was lifted at once, and still feeling a bit dizzy, he looked up to see what his saviour looked like and – oh shit. This was pure bollocks.

“You alright?” he heard, or at the very least saw, the luscious red lips taunting him, forming around every syllable and letting out this deep voice that gave Louis goosebumps.

He knew he was supposed to reply, but the fear of letting something out that was half as embarrassing as his thoughts made him just nod his head instead. Staring into the man’s enticing green eyes, he felt short of breath. This was too much, the adorable curls poking out of a stupid snapback preventing Louis from seeing all of the guy’s probably silky hair, the straight nose, the skin that looked too smooth for someone their age, too tan for someone who lived in England, too warm not to get his fingers to tingle with the want to touch it. And had he mentioned the absolute obnoxious way he was chewing bubble gum? Why was that even attractive? _How_ was that even attractive?

“Cool, cool” Fratboy replied after a few seconds of Louis’ eyes dancing around his face, trying to capture it all and not let his mind take him back to lust-filled places. “Let’s just be careful next time, yeah?” Fratboy says and Louis nods again. “Good, right, ‘m just – not to be rude or an’thing, but I kinda need to, you know, go to class?” Louis blinks “The one that the door to is behind you?” Louis blinks again, before his brain finally catches up with what Fratboy is saying and not all the other details about him when he talks, like the way he wets his lips whenever he finishes a sentence, and finally scrambles to move away from the door. “Cheers mate, be careful the rest of your walk.” Fratboy waves over his shoulder but doesn’t look back, and Louis crushes his papers between his fingers at the sight of these long fingers once again.

God damnit. He was fucked, and not in the way he would have liked to be.

Louis didn’t forget, oh God did he not forget, no matter how much he would have liked to. He didn’t think about Fratboy every second of his life, nor did he see him all the time, but his encounters with him seemed to have steadily increased. And whenever Louis saw him, he couldn’t take his eyes off him, and it was starting to get creepy but also very inconvenient. Not only could he not wank without his mind drifting back to him, it was also as if the gates of his most erotic thoughts were opened whenever he was in his vicinity. And despite all that, he still didn’t know his name and hadn’t interacted with him since that first encounter. He wished he could just fuck him away from his thoughts, but he wasn’t interested in anyone else, and definitely not to the point of having sex with them.

Instead, he was left imagining all kinds of scenarios where him and Fratboy got it on. Hell, he had even taken to call him ‘Sir’ in his fantasies to counter the fact he didn’t know his actual name, which had opened a whole new sex-filled-Pandora’s box for him.

At one point, on a drunken night out, it had gotten to the point where he even confessed this major problem to Niall, Perrie, Ed and Zayn. Completely useless, bordering on stupid, considering all they did was laugh and try to guess who Fratboy could possibly be. Niall said, loud as usual, “Our Lou-Lou is finally done with a fuckless life, and that calls for a celebration!” or at least that’s what he assumed his drunk Irish screaming meant. The rest of the bar seemed to have gleaned the same. Louis turned as red as his pants, but at least they all got free drinks from a nice burly man celebrating his divorce a few tables away.

The hangover passed more or less easily the next day, but his craving for one particular dick – the body part or the person depended on his mood – and his friends’ unrelenting teasing didn’t. They were dead set on finding who had finally managed to get Louis out of his celibacy-loving state of mind, while Louis was just trying to forget about it as much as possible while still seeing the green-eyed demon from afar on occasion. Every single time he did, he wished he had the guts to actually go and talk to him, maybe even flirt with him if it wasn’t too awkward. Just, interact with him again, and not get tongue tied this time.

That was all until he went to meet up with Liam. He had bugged him all day by texts so they would go grocery shopping together, but obviously by the time Louis was out of class and ready, Liam was impossible to reach and nowhere to be found, which could really only mean one thing: he was at the gym, boxing away. Which also meant Louis had to go and drag his arse out of there, because otherwise he wouldn’t be out before 7, what with the training and the showering and the chatting with everyone who remotely looked at him.

He got in, Stan at the entrance going straight back to his magazine as soon as he saw it was only Louis. It was not like he expected him to use the equipment available in here without paying, just like Louis didn’t expect Stan to do anything with the knowledge he found in the article about how to have a good-smelling vagina.

Stomping on his way to the second room on the left, Louis tried calling Liam one last time just to give him a chance of survival. After all, Louis was nothing if not a kind soul, so he might not cause a scene if Liam answered his thirteenth call. He knew full well that wasn’t going to happen.

Huffing, he opened the large doors and walked around rings, greeting people who recognised him from the other times he had come to yell at Liam for one thing or another, until he found the one he was looking for. He saw Liam chatting away with a figure he could only see the back of – and what a gorgeous back it was, muscles moving around artistically beneath skin that was glistening with sweat – and called out a loud “Are you fucking kidding me?!” before he could stop himself. He suddenly had a bad feeling.

These curls were too familiar, as was the low rumble of a voice he could hear responding to Liam before Louis loudly interrupted them.

And of bloody course this would be his second interaction with Fratboy. He looked him straight in the eyes, feeling faint from having them focused on him once again, and swallowed uneasily. Fratboy’s brows were furrowed, looking so confused and maybe a bit annoyed but not like he recognised Louis, which was somehow both relieving and disappointing.

“Lou Bear, what are you doing here?” Liam said, cutting the tension without even realising it. Louis focused back on him, and his scowl came back, though half-hearted this time.

“If you don’t remember, my darling,” he replied, still loud even though Liam was strolling towards him and getting back on the ground “we had a date you wouldn’t dare let me forget all day.” Louis narrowed his eyes as Liam was right in front of him, patting a towel over his face. Louis responded with a snarl and a punch to punctuate each word “And. You. Fucking. Forgot. It.”

“What are you- oh…” realisation seemed to dawn on Liam, and he quickly kissed Louis’ cheek before gathering his stuff, all the while apologising profusely.  
“I’m so sorry Lou, I was planning on leaving but then Harry came by and wanted to train together for a bit and we got carried away. I’ll be ready in two minutes, tops.”

“Don’t forget to shower, you stink”, Louis called back automatically as Liam walked towards the lockers, his brain too focused on the fact he finally knew Fratboy’s name. He still found it in him to flip Liam off when he yelled that he loved him.

He raised his head when he heard noises coming from above him, Harry gathering his things before jumping off the ring. He was suddenly less than an arm’s length from Louis, and that was way too reminiscent of their first meeting. Louis gulped, once again staring straight at those green eyes, but soon his gaze lowered to Harry’s naked torso.

So, his wet dream had tattoos and was sinfully fit and was currently shiny after his workout, all of that while being so close to Louis, he could feel the other man’s heavy breaths on his hair. Right. All was well.

“Wanna lick?” Harry asked out of the blue, and Louis felt his heart hammer in his chest as he snapped his head back up. Harry had an eyebrow raised, looking too cocky for his own – but especially Louis’ – good.

“W-what?” Louis asked back, and it wasn’t quite eloquent but it was always better than ‘Yes please, sir.’

“You look like you want to eat me.” Harry shrugged, and Louis wanted to drop dead just to escape the absolute mortification of being such an embarrassment in front of his crush “Not too sure your boyfriend would like that.” His voice sounded like it came from the greatest depths of his chest, and Louis wanted to touch it and feel the rumble under his palm. He registered what had just been said to him a second too late.

“What boyfriend?” he asked, before he understood and quickly shook his head “Liam’s not my boyfriend what the fuck, he’s more of a brother. Gross.”

“Oh,” Harry remarked very eloquently, this time with a smirk “too bad I guess.” Louis wanted to ask why, but before he could Harry carried on with a “You weren’t quite as loud last time.”

Louis shut his jaw so quickly his teeth hurt, but Harry just turned back around to take his bag from the floor. So, he did remember Louis. Shit.

“Don’t know which one I prefer yet,” Harry continued, standing up again and still just as close, “loud, screaming, demanding ‘Lou’” he used the nickname with a heavy dose of sarcasm, and Louis could only stare wide-eyed as Harry pushed his glasses farther up his nose, brushing his fringe away from his face and finishing with an incredibly soft voice “or quiet, pliant, flushed ‘Lou Bear’?”

Harry took a step back and threw his bag over his shoulder. He walked away, waving over his shoulder once again and saying “Take care, Lou Bear” before he entered the locker room just as Liam came out, slapping each other on the back.

When Liam came over to tell him that he was all set to go now, Louis was still frozen in place, staring at the door behind which Harry disappeared and feeling the ghost of his fingertips on his face.

What he would do to go in there, pin Harry to a wall, kiss him senseless then drop to his knees and let him do whatever he wants with him. Maybe feel those back muscles for himself while he was pounded into, held up against-

“I need fresh air.” Louis hurriedly said, taking Liam’s hand in his and rushing towards the door.

That evening, as everyone gathered at Niall’s to eat whatever new recipe he had found online, the topic somehow came back to Louis’ crush. And by somehow, he meant thanks to Leigh-Anne recounting her wild Saturday night, which led to a nice jab from Zayn in the form of “And how is our local virgin doing? Still wetting your panties with Fratboy?” Louis didn’t allow anyone to tease him about his lack of sex life except for this very group of friends, because they all knew his stance and were only doing it because that’s what they always did, mock each other for everything but never too far. Just like they never let Jade live down that time she laughed so hard she threw up in a restaurant, or Niall the fact he thought Chihuahua was a Spanish pastry up until he saw one just over a year ago.

However, all the people who weren’t there on that fateful night were now intrigued about this seemingly very interesting story, which included Liam. Whose first reaction to everyone’s description of Fratboy – and no, Louis had never uttered the sentence ‘filthy fucking angel who will get me sent to hell’ whatever his friends might say – was to exclaim “But that’s Harry! We were with him just earlier!”

Louis was going to murder him in his sleep.

This led to all of them screaming over the top of one another to get all the information they could, until Louis screeched to get everyone silent. It worked.

Somehow, he had forgotten this meant he would get everyone’s attention on him. They all stared at him like hawks, waiting for him to talk.

“Not much happened guys, we talked a bit when Liam left and that’s all.”

“YOU FILTHY LIAR!” Niall boomed, who had a flair for the dramatic “You’re blushing like mad! Spill the tea, sis.”

Louis cut off a ‘You’re still not using it right’ coming from one of the girls with a heavy sigh and the actual truth “He just asked me if I wanted to lick him ‘cause he caught me staring at his chest and then told me he didn’t know if he liked me better when I was quiet or loud. Nothing to fret about.”

It was definitely something to fret about.

The screams that followed were twice as loud after his sentence, and included ‘That bitch was flirting and we all know it’ from Jesy and ‘That’s why you looked like you shat your pants, you rat’ from Liam, which confirmed it as well. Louis still didn’t want to let his hopes get too high, knowing that with such looks Harry probably flirted with anything that came near him. It was probably not as big of a deal as they all made it out to be.

It still broke his heart a bit when Liam replied to his remark with “I mean, yeah he does like to charm people I guess.” and everyone fell silent at that.

“Well, since he’s your buddy or something, tell us what he’s like.” Zayn suggested, and now everyone was focused on him, especially Louis.

“Hm, I don’t know him too well, mainly because we workout together at times and share Economics and that’s it,” he quickly picked up when he heard disappointed sighs around the table “but I can tell you he’s really nice, quite smart, makes the shittiest jokes and he’s very single but ready to mingle.”

“Are you fifty or something?” Niall asked, raising an eyebrow at that last sentence and earning himself a punch and a ‘twat’ from Liam.

That started their bickering, everyone soon joining in on the fun. But Louis’ mind was still on Harry and what little information he had on him. It was still more than Harry had on him, but as far as Louis was concerned, Harry didn’t give two shits about him. So, that was a bit depressing.

He didn’t let it get him down and pinched Liam’s nipple as soon as the opportunity arose.

After that, everything seemed to happen quite quickly.

Not even a week later, Louis was walking in the hall with Niall towards his next class when he spotted a green snapback covering up curls, and froze in place. This was definitely Harry, even the checked shirt he was wearing couldn’t prevent Louis from remembering all the hard lines of his back that made his mouth produce more saliva.

“And that’s how I burned my left eyebrow,” Niall finished his story before turning towards him when he noticed Louis wasn’t following him. “What’re you doing, you ass?” he asked, and when Louis quickly turned back to him and tried to get him to walk faster, he turned to look where Louis had been looking at earlier. “Oh, that’s him.”

Harry was right in front of a wall, reading some poster about one thing or another, and could most likely hear them if Niall were to do anything stupid like remind Louis of his stupid crush, or Louis to moan out loud, which he wouldn’t put past either of them at this point.

They were however still walking, having to pass right next to him to get to the right corridor, which Louis found to be absolute torture. What had he done in another life to get him here?

So focused on his self-pity, he wasn’t ready when Niall pushed him and rushed off down the corridor. So not ready, he stumbled straight into Harry once again, bumping into him hard enough that Harry had to catch himself on the wall with one arm and Louis with the other.

“You absolute little shithead of a human being-” Louis was seething under his breath, nose planted straight into Harry’s torso.

“That’s not a nice way to treat someone who just saved you from meeting the floor face first.” Harry said, voice still sounding amused somehow, and Louis slowly raised his head to see him smirk down at him “For the second time, may I add.”

“It wasn’t- I was just- this isn’t- I-” he took a deep breath and hid his face once again against Harry’s torso, before reluctantly taking a step back. He tried to hide his face behind his fringe by looking down, feeling how flaming hot he was, and muttered a small “Sorry, ‘twas an accident.”

“Are you falling for me by any chance?” Harry asked, voice cheeky, and it seemed Louis had somehow lost his usual witty charm, because he could only look back up biting his lower lip nervously.

Harry seemed to falter at that, and Louis gathered that he probably saw there was maybe a bit of truth behind that statement and started panicking. He simply turned around and bent down to pick up his backpack, that had fallen off his shoulder at all the ruckus.

When he looked back, Harry was very red and Louis realised how that must have looked. He straightened back up so quickly his vision blackened around the edge and turned back around. How embarrassed must Harry be, thinking Louis was taunting him by showing his ass right after he tried to make him understand he wasn’t interested in the slightest.

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll just go, Sir,” he realised his slip up when Harry snapped his eyes back to Louis’ and somehow he blushed even more, looking like some kind of contrite tomato at this point, and started walking backwards with a “Harry, I meant Harry, I mean-bye!” and rushed off without so much as a glance behind his back.

He was going to absolutely slaughter Niall, the little Irish fuck.

Niall had laughed so hard he pissed his pants – actually did it, even though he’ll deny it until his dying breath. He stopped for a bit and actually apologised, but had been calling Louis ‘Kinky bastard’ ever since. Everyone was asking why, but Louis had him by the wetted-pants and so they both kept their mouths shut on each other’s embarrassment, to everyone else’s disappointment. It would be out in the open in two months anyway, knowing them.

Now, Louis was trying his hardest to forget the events that happened three days ago. He couldn’t possibly forget Harry, not now that he had those deep eyes focused on him and only him, this gravelly voice teasing him, these strong arms bulging right under his palm. He was literally in his astronomy class thinking about sucking Harry’s dick, didn’t know whether he’d rather take control and tease and pleasure him all he wanted, or for Harry to just grab him by the back of the head and force him to take it. Both looked appealing; and in his fantasies, Harry and him had all the time in the world to try it all.

That’s why his ears perked up when he heard Harry’s name being said outside of his moan-filled thoughts. He frowned, tried to see if it had actually happened or he was just hallucinating – that would be the cherry on his shitty life of a cake – but he very clearly heard one of the girls in front of him say “Harry Styles?” and, in case he wasn’t sure it was the same Harry, “Guy who dresses like he’s in Pitch Perfect?”

He subtly – or not – leant forward to hear better what was about to be said by the two oblivious girls, with the ginger one nodding in confirmation. They tried their best to whisper, but they were just loud enough for him to hear.

“Yup, that guy. Heard he was the best, loads of people go to him.” Ginger said, and her Asian friend looked at her suspiciously, as if she wasn’t quite believing her. Louis was just confused as to exactly what they were talking about.

“I’m not just gonna go up to him all like-” replied Asian girl incredulously, before being cut off by the professor up front saying “Sarah and Leana, if what I’m saying doesn’t interest you, you might as well get out right now instead of polluting the air with your incessant chatter. Unless you’d like to share with all of us?”

Louis resisted stomping his foot in frustration, while the girls just shook their heads and apologised for the disturbance. Seemingly satisfied, the teacher turned back and went on explaining whatever it was they were studying that day. Louis should definitely pay more attention, whatever he would learn here would certainly be more useful than giving himself a boner in the middle of his class with unrealistic thoughts.

As per usual, it was exactly as he had made that decision that the teacher dismissed the class and everyone started packing. He was mindlessly thinking about who to ask for their notes so he could actually have some idea of whatever had been said in the last hour, when Ginger spoke up again, louder now that half the people had left.

“Listen, if you’re interested just go talk to Taylor. He took her virginity, like, last month; she’ll tell you all you need to know.” She gives her phone to the other girl, probably sharing Taylor’s number, but Louis can only focus on what she just said. “All I’ve heard is he’s, like, great and gentle and the best first time you could as for. So, just go to him if you really want to do it, I guess.”

Louis’ heart skipped a beat, but he didn’t say anything as the girls walked away. He finished packing up, caught up to Andrew to ask him to send his notes later on, and left to go eat lunch, all with an unfocused brain and a buzzing in his veins. He couldn’t help but think about what he had heard, and wonder if it were true or not. And if it were, what he was to do with this information.

He was still thinking about it while waiting in line in Subway. Was Harry renowned for taking people’s virginity and he had just never heard of it? And why was it? Was it some sort of fetish of his, knowing he was all these people’s first? Was it bad Louis didn’t mind being another notch in his bedpost if he could have him at least once? If he couldn’t have a forever, a tonight would be good enough.

He got distracted when he looked up to see what was taking so long for the person just in front of him. The girl was tapping each and every one of her pockets, while the cashier was holding her sandwich and looking at her pointedly. She seemed to get more and more frantic by the minute, which Louis could understand considering the number of people waiting behind him.

“I’m sorry, I’ll just, can I come back and repay you later in the day? I can’t find the last pound, I’m really sorry I thought I’d have enough,” she was explaining while looking through her bag this time, and Louis immediately felt sorry for her.

“I’m sorry but I can’t do so as there is no way for me to be sure you would come back,” the cashier said as politely as he could but put the sandwich to the side and kept throwing looks behind Blondie’s back, probably worried the line of hungry people would take out the wait on him even though he wasn’t at fault. He carried on anyway by saying “You can order something different that will cost less however.”

Before Blondie could answer and because he had been in this situation before, Louis went “Here, take what’s missing.” and passed the girl to give out a bill to the guy. They both looked at him oddly, so Louis shook his hand a bit until the cashier took the hint and the bill. He rung up the order, gave the change to Louis and the sandwich to the girl, who Louis simply smiled at before focusing on ordering his own meal. When he finished and while he waited for it to be done, he turned and was surprised when he saw the girl was still there looking at him.

“Thank you so much,” she said immediately and stepped forward to wait with him “You didn’t have to do it but thank you, I’m so hungry, I didn’t eat this morning.” Louis wondered why she wasn’t eating now then, but thought it would be rude to ask “I’ll repay you ASAP I swear! It’s not, like, I don’t just go around with not enough money in the hopes someone will pay for me, I mean you know how it is being a student, money’s tight and all, but I wouldn’t do such a thing and-”

“Hey love, breathe,” Louis cut her off before she could apologise anymore for something that had already happened to him and he knew for a fact was a humiliating experience. “It’s alright, been there, done that, I don’t think you just stole from me or anything. And I mean, you can repay me if you’d like but it was only a pound, I won’t die from it.”

“I will!” she said loud, before going quieter when a few people turned to look at her again and she blushed “Repay you, I mean, not die.”

Louis nodded and stepped up as the cashier came back with his order. He paid for it quickly, and finally let the mother behind him holding her baby in her arms step up to the counter. He already felt bad enough she had to wait all this time to waste any more of it.

“I’m Taylor by the way,” Blondie said all of a sudden beside him and he almost jumped again. Girls had a way of being sneaky and-

Wait. Taylor?

Louis’ mind went immediately back to the talk he had overheard earlier. What would be the chances that these were the two same Taylors? Very slim, if he were honest, but his brain liked to believe he and Harry were destined to be together. Or at least his ass and Harry’s dick were. Either way, maybe the universe was looking out for him and granting him his wish.

However, replying ‘and have you ever had sex with a guy named Harry?’ wasn’t a great way to get there, so he simply replied “ I’m Louis, nice to meet you.”

He was thinking of a way to ask her if she was the Taylor he was thinking about without making it all very awkward – he wasn’t exactly one to ask women who they had sex with, and even less when it was their first time meeting – as they both walked out of the restaurant.

“Well I’m very sorry Louis, I have to go so I won’t be late to my next class, but uh,” she went back to looking through her pockets before finally finding her phone and giving it to him, unlocked. “Here, call yourself so we can meet up and I can pay you back.”

“You really don’t have to do all this for a pound you know?” he asked, but still typed his number and let it ring until his own phone vibrated in his pocket. “We’ll talk about it later, now go before you’re late!” he shooed her away and she smiled brightly at him, took her phone again and ran towards his uni while taking a huge bite of her sandwich. Louis didn’t really know how she managed it, but he was impressed nonetheless.

Right at this moment a huge weight fell on his back and he almost stumbled forward, yelling at Zayn for almost making him drop his sandwich while the idiot was laughing his ass off. Louis would have all of their heads someday. Until then, he was going to eat lunch with Zayn and Liam.

It wasn’t until six that day, when an unknown number texted him while he was doing the weekly grocery shopping, that he remembered his earlier encounter and what it could mean. He opened the simple ‘hi its taylor, can we meet tmrw at sub so i can buy u a sandwich too?’ and pondered it. Did he really want to try and get in Harry’s pants through his little business? And was he ready to risk humiliating himself by asking someone he wasn’t even sure was the right person to get him there?

He typed ‘11:30 ok for you?’ and that was enough answer on his dignity. He only had time to pick up a box of cornflakes before he received a ‘yea, see u then! x’ and decided to ignore it as best he could from there. What was done was done, he could only wait now.

For once, he decided not to tell anyone about what he was planning. First, because his sexuality and what he wanted to do with his body was very much still as personal as he wanted it to be and his friends didn’t have to know everything he was up to; second because he was pretty sure they would have either laughed at him or tried to dissuade him from going through with it – if not both.

He convinced himself he was only doing it to be nice to Taylor, and he didn’t even have to ask about Harry; that nothing was said and done and he would most likely just have a nice lunch with a nice girl and move on with his life, maybe with a new friend. But then, he woke up with a hard-on for the third time this week caused by dreams of being held down by some curly frat-boy-looking nightmare, and this was getting ridiculous. He was doing it, at least to get him out of his system. It couldn’t possibly be healthy to be so obsessed with someone, especially when you had talked to them a grand total of three times.

He wasn’t letting his life become even more of a joke than it already was.

When he arrived in front of the same Subway as yesterday, Taylor waved her hand, beckoning him inside, and Louis took a deep breath before approaching.

“Hi,” he said as he joined her behind a couple of teenagers and she greeted him with a hug. He blamed it on her sounding very American during their small conversation yesterday.

“Hey! So, today I have enough money to buy us both lunch, and enough time to actually eat with you,” she said excitedly and he was wondering if she was always this friendly or if she felt like she owed him her life or something. It made him feel bad for his reason behind being here.

“Actually,” he began saying, but trailed off when she furrowed her brows immediately, making him feel even guiltier. He coughed, and tried again. “Actually, you may be able to repay me in another way…” he didn’t realise how bad this sentence sounded until she furrowed her brows even more and crossed her arms in front of herself, as if she was putting a barrier between them. He rushed to explain “No no, not like that, nothing sexual!” he exclaimed, before lowering his voice and trying again so as not to mislead her. “I mean, maybe, but like, I’m not going to ask anything from you! Or, I guess I will but not in the sense you think- I would never! I just, I’m bad at expressing myself?” he finished pathetically, sounding more like he was asking her and sighing.

“You sure are,” she replied but she sounded amused, so he counted it as a win. “I was a bit surprised I’ll admit; you look like such a twink I wouldn’t have expected that from you.”

Right. Okay. He could deal with that. He couldn’t even blame her too much considering he had worn his last available jeans this morning, which turned out to be red.

“What do you want then?” she asked, this time looking more relaxed.

Louis looked around him. There was currently around them only the two teenagers, and they had just been called to order. It was humiliating to have such a discussion in a public space, but maybe he wouldn’t have the horror of having other people hear him.

“Do you know a Harry?” he decided to ask first, thinking it was a safe question to begin with.

“Three actually, which one? Styles?” he nodded immediately, and she smiled “Oh yeah, of course I know the bloke! Nice kid. What about him?”

Now that was awkward.

“Erm, I’ve heard you two have, you know…” he said, letting the words hang in the air and hoping for her to catch up. She looked at him in confusion, and he decided to make the crude gesture of putting his index finger through a circle he made with the fingers on his left hand, and it seemed to dawn on her.

“Oh, that! Yeah yeah, he- I mean, we did it” she said with a blush and looked down before focusing back on him, looking defensive again. “And? What about it?”

“I was just wondering, erm, how? Like, not what happened obviously, just how you, you know, got him to do it?” he stumbled through his answer and he was sure they were both as red as the other. Ridiculous society with its ridiculous taboos.

“Why, you want to try too?” she reacted immediately, but seemed caught off-guard when he nodded.

She looked uneasy for a second, her eyes going from his fringe down to his white sneakers, and he squirmed where he was standing. Was she assessing if he was good enough to have sex with Harry? Because that would be truly embarrassing, and a blow to his ego if she said no. However, when their eyes met again, she seemed hesitant for all two seconds before she smiled.

“You know what, I’ll ask him for you. I don’t know who told you about it or what they told you, but I’ll try my best to, well, you know,” she concluded with a wink and turned around as it was their turn to order.

He was scuffing his toes on the ground, not knowing where to go from there exactly, when she looked back to him and asked what he wanted.

“Erm, you don’t have to do it, especially now,” he replied back, a bit confused.

“Oh, come on, it wasn’t that big of a deal. I still promised you a lunch. So, what will you get?” she asked, before getting closer to him and whisper “Except for some.”

He let out an ugly snort and she smiled brightly at him, before he stepped up and ordered for himself as well.

This could have gone a lot worse, he thought to himself an hour later as he was leaving the place with a stomach full of free food, a new friend and a plan en route.

Classes were starting to take a toll on Louis as it seemed every single professor he had had decided to give assignments at the exact same time. He was rushing from place to place, running between classes and the library and his workplace and sometimes, when the stars aligned right and he wasn’t too stressed about one thing or another, he crashed on his bed for a few hours. He was overwhelmed, overworked, and underrelaxed – because that was a word now and it was created specifically for Louis Tomlinson.

However, after two weeks of constant running around, he was graced with a four-day-long weekend. He just had to get through Thursday and Friday, and then all would be well and he would be able to sleep for forty-eight hours straight, watch vine compilations and eat some mint chocolate chip ice cream he knew full well he deserved. Maybe throw a crying session in there.

He was walking out of building C and scrolling through his phone to find some motivating music to listen to before going to his five-hour shift, when a hand grabbed his arm and caused him to let out a yelp. He was about to scream at whoever had just touched him out of nowhere and scared him, his nerves were just that raw, but couldn’t before he turned around and was pulled into a hug.

“Louis!” Taylor said once she let go of him, looking worn out herself but still happy to see him.

“Taylor!” Louis repeated in the exact same tone of voice, but more out of cheekiness than of exasperation which quite surprised him. He smiled at her and pulled her out of the doorway so they wouldn’t bother other students “How are you, love?”

“Physically I’m fine, but I’m dead inside. I’ll wash it out with some tequila though, it’s a‘ight. How ‘bout you?” she yawned halfway through her sentence, and tied her hair again. Louis felt bad for her until he remembered he didn’t look much better, then proceeded to feel bad for the both of them.

“Sounds about right, can’t wait for tomorrow night. I’m just gonna like, go home and pass out until next year.” He laughed but looked at his phone, trying to check whether he was late or not. He was. He couldn’t be bothered to care and looked back up at a chuckling Taylor.

“Talking about tomorrow night!” she started way too loudly, and Louis was still trying to figure out if the ever changing volume of her voice and her tendency to embrace him even though they barely knew each other was an American thing, or just a Taylor one. “Are you still up to getting some action with Harry?” she wiggled her eyebrows and he blushed, looking around to see if anyone was paying attention. The zombie looking crowd around them told him no one even cared.

“Uh, yeah, yes, of course, just, uh, where? When? Does he, erm, know?” he was playing with the cord of his earphones and looking around, wishing they had just done it over texts. This was mortifying. He was already three minutes late.

“Of course, he knows! You’re not just going to wait in his room in a robe and hope he’ll take you there,” she said, and Louis groaned and put his face in his palms “Though that could have worked, I guess… But no, I asked him and there’s this party tomorrow at Jordan’s place – I’ll send you his address – and he offered to just do it there.”

Well. That was a bit disappointing. Doing it in the middle of a party, between one drink and another. Louis guessed he didn’t have much to complain about, he wasn’t in the position to request something more romantic. It’d have to do.

First times were dumb anyway.

“Are you okay with that? If not, I can tell him you don’t want to-” Taylor asked, looking concerned, but Louis cut her off.

“No no, it’s great! Just what I’ll need to relax, right?” he forced out a laugh and Taylor looked at him sceptically. “Really, I’m very glad and- and thank you, for doing this for me. You’re great.”

Taylor still didn’t seem to buy that Louis was as thrilled as he pretended to be, but she shrugged and said, “I know I am”, to which Louis laughed, and she seemed satisfied afterwards.

“You know, I’m really thankful for what you did – and to see you as well, obviously,” he rushed to add, “but I seriously need to get to work, like,” he checked his phone “seven minutes ago, so…”

“Just leave Lewis, I’ll be alright without your glowing presence,” she said with a kiss on the cheek before pushing him towards the street.

She waved at him and he gave her his biggest smile before running to the theatre. He would have to worry about this tomorrow.

Only, tomorrow comes quicker when you’re incredibly busy and then sleep for only three hours just to jump right back into being busy. In what seemed to be the blink of an eye, it was seven in the evening and he was staring at his ceiling, lying flat on his bed. His phone was still on Taylor’s text giving Jordan’s address, followed by a row of graphic emojis. Louis was pondering whether to actually get up, ready and fucked, or to just lay there and pretend nothing happened. He wouldn’t be the first to cower from it, would he?

“Lou Bear?” he heard a voice ask, and threw a pillow at the door blindly just because of the nickname.

Liam had taken it up ever since they were twelve and Louis came to school dressed as a bear thinking everyone was going in with costumes – they weren’t. Somehow, he had managed to convince everyone they were in the wrong, and by the next year the 8th of may was considered the day you went to school in a costume. Louis was proud of his legacy, but it still didn’t allow Liam to call him such an embarrassing name after seven years.

“What d’you want?” he groaned more than asked when Liam sat on his bed.

“There’s this party tonight and we’re going,” Liam said, picking at a thread on Louis’ sweats.

“And why’s that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at Liam’s demanding tone.

“’Cause I said so,” he shrugged and Louis kicked him in the stomach. He probably ended up hurting himself more than he hurt fucking-six-pack-boy. “Come on Louis! Zayn and Niall are going as well, and if you’re coming it’ll be the four of us, it never happens anymore,” he pouted, and Louis softened but was still not entirely convinced.

“We won’t even stick together for more than five minutes into the party anyway, what are you on about?” Liam blushed at that, and suddenly it clicked “Are you going in the hopes that Zayn will make out with you again?”

The silence after that was filled with all the answers Louis needed. However, it was still a sensitive subject – sensitive because his two friends were too stupid to realise that they were both up for more when sober and didn’t need to wait for drunken outings every three months to be with each other – so he dropped it and just got up, stretching.

“Fine,” Louis said, stretching the ‘i’ sound and looking back at a still red Liam, “but only if you promise to talk to him sober and not just wait until you’re both drunk enough to pretend you forgot in the morning even though you definitely didn’t.”

Liam nodded while jumping up from the bed, looking like Louis had just offered him the moon. He picked him up, making Louis giggle when he twirled him in the air. This was extremely embarrassing, but Louis loved Liam so much he didn’t even care. As long as he was finally going to start getting his shit together and ask Zayn out once and for all.

Stupid young people.

Liam left the room with a “be ready in thirty”, to which Louis replied “double that and I’ll be there” and closed his door to cut off any possible response.

And Louis was left alone, staring at his wardrobe and realising just how much of a stupid young people he was as well.

He started with a long shower, where he cleaned everything – like, everything. It was his first time after all, he wasn’t about to go and be gross down there in case everything went according to plan. With that thought in mind and the jitters of what could possibly happen, it didn’t even feel pleasurable and he came out with his cock as soft as when he went in. He figured it wouldn’t be too much of a good idea to make himself come beforehand, in case it would prevent him from getting hard or coming again. Oh god, what if he couldn’t get hard because he was that stressed out?

Then again, he was supposed to be having sex with Harry Styles, getting excited when the time came shouldn’t be that hard – pun intended.

The difficult part came in how he would dress. Realistically, he knew his clothes would be taken off anyway and there was a good chance Harry wouldn’t even give a shit about what he was wearing. He still wanted to look at least a little bit nice – and, in case worst came to worst and he was left alone in this bedroom because he wasn’t fit enough to be deserving of Harry’s dick, he would most likely try and pull someone else. It was just a case of pride.

He was rifling through his clothes for the third time when he let out a loud groan and slumped backwards. Why was he doing this to himself again? He could just live his life without ever having a taste of what sex with Harry was like. Maybe he was terrible at it? Maybe he wasn’t even into guys?

“What are you doing naked on the floor?” Liam asked as he passed by Louis’ open door, furrowing his brows.

“I’ve decided this is my new place of residence and state of being,” Louis started, raising his head just enough to be able to look at Liam straight in the eyes “I’m becoming a worm, you got a problem with it?”

Liam walked inside the room chuckling, and looked down at the mess of clothes and the one he called his friend. The pieces weren’t hard to put together and he started searching for a good outfit.

“You’ll look good no matter what you wear Lou Bear,” Liam said and picked up a tight white shirt with a black collar “and since when do you even worry about that? You always say – take this,” a pair of white briefs were thrown just so Louis’ bits would be actually covered “that there’s no point in dressing up – these jeans look good, why don’t you wear them more?” a pair of blue skinny jeans were thrown directly in his face and he groaned “where was I going again? Oh yeah, no point in dressing up to go somewhere no one will even see your clothes – and since when do you have fucking braces? You _have_ to put them on.”

Louis moved the legs of the pants that were covering his eyes, glowering at a beaming Liam who was tangling the braces as if he had just found the best thing in the world. Louis wasn’t too sure how good this outfit even was, but because Liam had somehow put this together in a minute instead of the incredibly long time Louis would take to find something half-decent, he decided to go with it.

“And just keep your hair in a fringe, Harry seemed to like it plenty last time”, Liam added with a wink before walking out, leaving Louis to splutter at his back. How did he know?

Then Louis thought rationally and knew that no one – except Taylor, obviously – could possibly be aware of his situation. He took a deep breath, and decided to stop worrying so much. This was supposed to be fun for God’s sake, he wasn’t about to shit himself in apprehension.

That resolution lasted all of the forty-five minutes it took for the four of them to enter Jordan’s flat.

He walked in with Niall’s arm thrown over his shoulder, his Irish accent prominent as he yelled that “Louis and I have something very extremely important to discuss very far from you”. Louis looked back just in time to see Liam blushing and Zayn glaring at their backs. They would thank them later.

Niall, to Louis’ surprise, didn’t leave his side as soon as they were out of Liam and Zayn’s sight. Instead, he dragged him all the way to the kitchen, probably hoping to have more personal space there. It was no use, as both floors were packed with people, some spilling out into the hallway and on the small balcony. Louis scratched his arm while looking around, both hoping and dreading to spot a mass of curls just that much taller than everyone else, or a blonde tornado that wasn’t Niall, who was mixing at least three different drinks in a cup. He was nothing if not an experimenter, is what he had said to Louis the first time that had happened – said experiment had ended with him having diarrhea for the next two days.

“Okay so, first we’re both gonna take a shot of this baby,” Louis stared at the mixture in Niall’s hands upon hearing him address him, and wondered how exactly that greenish mixture could be called a baby in any way – also how it even ended up greenish “and then, my sweet twink, we’re off to make this party legen- wait for it, and bottoms up on the end of the word-”

“Can everyone stop calling me a twink?” Louis cut Niall off in the middle of his umpteenth How I Met Your Mother reference with a sour face, only deepening when he held the glass up to his face.

“-dary!” Niall tilted his head as if that would make the alcohol slide down any easier, and Louis just put his glass down on the counter and stared at him with raised eyebrows. Niall crumpled the plastic cup in his hand and looked at Louis, his face a bit redder now as he said with a mocking smile “And you’re wearing braces for fuck’s sake, what’d you expect?”

Louis flipped him off for that comment, and only felt slightly guilty when Niall yelled out “Oi, you didn’t f’cking drink, you asshole”. Yet, he forced Louis to take the cup in his hand, in case he “decided to pull that stick out of his arse at some point during the evening”, to which Louis really wanted to reply he was kind of hoping for the opposite.

Just as he had forgotten all the people around him, some burly man with a dark complexion and even darker hair tapped hard on both their backs, raising his voice to tell Niall how happy he was to see him here, and Louis assumed this was the Jordan that allowed all these people to come to his place, and in more ways than one for Louis hopefully.

They were introduced pretty quickly, just before Jordan left to greet his other guests and whatnot. A year ago, Louis could have been fooled into thinking this meant he could now enjoy a nice evening with Niall, but experience had taught him that this was just the beginning of mindless chatter with about anyone and everyone because if someone didn’t know him, they knew Niall, and if not then Liam or Zayn, or it would be that person Leigh-Anne invited to sit with them at the pub once, or that other person Ed made a song with so the entire group knew of them, and so on and so forth. And this was all worsened by the fact that Niall and him were known as the social butterflies of the group, who would always end up chatting with people they’d never met before as if they had been best friends forever. It was how they became friends, after all.

Louis didn’t know if he was glad for the distraction, or tired in advance because his mind would be nowhere in it.

“Hey!” came a voice from behind them as they started making their way out of the kitchen, and both turned to the source. A petite girl with actual rainbow hair and a medieval dress came up to them “Niall and Liam, right?” she asked once she was close enough, and something clicked inside Louis’ mind.

“Yes, Liam Payne, exactly,” he nodded and Niall turned to him with furrowed brows. “And you’re Mary, right? From the penis bakery?”

As the girl beamed with the fact Louis remembered her, Niall started snickering in remembrance. Hey, if he was about to buy four phallic-shaped cakes for Zayn’ birthday, just to give them out to people at his video-game-selling work place after bursting into the shop with his whole group of friends and too many trumpets, he wasn’t going to do it while giving out his actual name. And what Liam didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

It was a good hour and eight catching-up-with-people later that he remembered what he was actually set to do here. It all came crashing back down on him as someone collided with him pretty hard, to which he almost spilled his toxic drink – that he wouldn’t even try and taste, thank you very much Niall – on his shirt. He looked up and met a pair of blue eyes that lit up once they recognised him.

“Lou-ie” Taylor drawled out before taking him in her arms, immediately releasing him just to hold him at arm’s length. She bit her lips and raked her eyes up and down his body, and Louis squirmed a bit under the stare, “Well damn, if I weren’t setting you up, I would’ve asked for a taste, sugar.” Louis cracked up at that, and Taylor giggled before turning serious, still speaking way too loudly even for a room with music turned up far too high. “Talking ’bout that, you ready?”

Louis stared straight into her blue eyes, which still seemed incredibly focused considering how much she reeked of tequila. His heartbeat seemed to get even louder in his moment of hesitation, focusing on the lights dancing across her face and on the feel of her nails lightly pressing on his shoulders, as his mouth was struggling to form the words he so badly wanted to speak.

She was giving him an exit, a moment to say ‘no thanks’ to a familiar and friendly face, and leave without feeling incredibly ashamed of himself. His brain, in its muddled and slowed state, found it helpful to make him feel as if he were in one of those ‘choose your path’ games, with a time limit pressing him to just pick something. Left, he said yes and went wherever he was supposed to join Harry; right, he said no and stayed at the party, enjoying time with his friends.

Slightly more pressure on his shoulder. He focused on Taylor again, took a deep breath and chose left.

“Yeah, yeah, of course I am. Didn’t do all this just to back off now, did I?”

She checked one last time, and he gave her a small but genuine smile. She beamed right back at him, and opened her mouth to probably give him instructions as to where to go.

Instead, “What’re you doin’ tonight mate?” came Niall’s voice from Louis’ right, and he jumped, having forgotten him.

Louis could only panic for about three seconds before Taylor came to save his ass “Hey, you’re Niall right? You’re the guy Hailee keeps talking about, ain’t it?”

“Yes! Wait- she’s for real talking ‘bout me? What d’she say?” Niall was distracted enough from the original question at that, seemingly way more interested in this Hailee girl.

“Just that you’re cute but she didn’t really know how to start up a conversation,” Taylor shrugged off and Niall leaned closer to her, clearly wanting to hear more. “Actually, she’s alone on the couch right now, I’m sure she’d be so happy if you went to her with a drink!”

Niall turned around, and sure enough the girl he liked seemed to be there considering he just turned around, embraced Taylor hard before rushing off to the kitchen, followed by Taylor’s loud bubbly laughter. Louis wondered for a few seconds if she was telling the truth, but figured it was a problem for later. Niall would charm this girl even if she hadn’t been interested at first, he knew it.

“So,” Taylor started again and took Louis in her arms, making as if she were hugging him whilst speaking in his ear “my flat is the one right above, 505, the key is in my back pocket so I need you to take it right now,” Louis flushed as he groped Taylor to retrieve the key to her apartment “you can take my room for the night, I don’t care. Just, I need you to relax, I swear this is gonna go better than you think, alright?” She took a step back at that, and Louis looked at her with what were probably stars in his eyes. He nodded, and she replied with a wink before taking the cup he had in his hand “And in exchange I’ll take this,” and gulped it down in one go.

Louis widened his eyes, fully expecting her to drop dead or throw up. Instead, she just swayed a bit before putting the cup bottoms up on a girl’s head, who just rolled her eyes. The brunette had just arrived next to them, and Louis asked her to ‘look after this one’ before kissing Taylor’s cheek and shouldering past people to get away. Taylor let him go with a slap on his ass and a ‘You go, big girl!’, and it was truly a testament to how grateful he felt that he didn’t even flip her off but merely grinned to himself.

He dropped his head low when he spotted Zayn’s quiff, before catching him grinding down on Liam pressed against the wall, which made him realise just how little people were paying attention to him. It didn’t matter that he was leaving the party, and even if it did, it wasn’t like ‘is about to get fucked for the first time’ was written on his forehead. Even if it were, even if everyone that was sending him friendly smiles or just had him in their line of vision for the time of a large sweep of the room; even then, it wouldn’t matter. Because why on earth should anyone but him care that he was having sex, for the first or hundredth time, with the love of his life or a stranger?

He wanted to scream out ‘I’m about to lose my virginity’, just as a big fuck you to everyone who would dare tell him he should be ashamed of doing it (already or only) now, as a way of letting a bit of the buzz under his skin out, and just to see people’s reactions to such a random outburst.

Instead, he held his head higher and smiled brightly at everyone he walked past, strutting away to the building’s corridor. Thankfully, the stairs weren’t too far and only had a drunk boy laying there, next to a much more sober one trying to get him to sit up. Louis would have been more worried about it had he not seen those two very much in love on campus in the past and on the flat’s couch at some point tonight. He only helped Sober Guy make the drunk one stand up when he reached them, and then walked up the stairs.

He could still hear the music downstairs as he walked down the corridor in search of 505. Unconsciously, his steps followed the beat of it. 1 was the sound of the drum, 2 was silence, and all in the same pattern. **1** 2 **3** 4 **5** 6 **7** 8\. He heard it as he unlocked the door, took his shoes off, walked down towards the room. **1** 2 **3** 4 **5** 6 **7** 8\. He felt it more than he heard it as he sat down on the mattress, as if it were making the ground vibrate beneath his feet, his heart following the same cadence. **1** 2 **3** 4 **5** 6 **7** 8.

After a few minutes that felt way longer than that, Louis realised he was shivering, looking down at his knees. The steady, pulsing noise from downstairs was still timing the beating of his heart, and he wished he had actually accepted that drink so maybe he would be loosened up by now. The song was fast, and he was itching with the want to just use the energy it was giving him, to dance around or run for a few miles. Instead, his leg was going up and down in time with it, and he was throwing anxious glances at the door.

He had done so well, had managed to give himself some much-needed confidence, but far from others as a distraction or a way to push himself, almost in defiance of them, his mind was taking over. Still at this time, he couldn’t tell whether he was truly ready or just stupidly horny.

He took his phone out, and saw it was half past eleven. Harry had exactly five minutes to be there, or Louis was leaving. This would be some sort of sign from the universe on whether he should do it or not.

He put it back in his pocket and looked up just in time to see the door opening. Well, shit.

Louis bit his lower lip hard as Harry walked in, looking around like a lost puppy. He seemed sober, friendly, but mainly he looked absolutely stunning, and all of Louis’ doubts washed away at that. How could he walk away now that he had seen Harry with a tight black shirt that seemed almost more obscene than that time he was shitless, and even tighter black jeans. Louis would finally be able to let his fingers grip these enticing curls, maybe pull a bit just to see Harry’s reaction, watch as his head would go back and reveal the column of his neck and the sharpness of his jawline.

He was getting hard and this hadn’t even started.

After a few seconds that felt like hours, Harry finally brought his eyes back down to Louis, and his entire demeanour changed. He suddenly seemed closed off and uncomfortable, and Louis’ heart dropped at that.

“Right, it’s you,” Harry said in a tone much colder than Louis had ever heard from him.

“Erm yeah, you-you didn’t know?” Louis asked, feeling incredibly small. It was a stupid question, but sitting there staring at him in silence like a bruised kitten wouldn’t be much better.

“Obviously not,” Harry scoffed, which made Louis’ heart clench once again, before he shook his head and “Why are you here Louis?” he sighed out.

Louis felt his whole face heat up and his eyes sting. This was beyond humiliating, and whilst he could have dealt with it better in normal circumstances, his lack of sleep and dizziness from all the stress leaving his body during the night after those difficult weeks, as well as the complete whiplash he got because of Harry’s mood were definitely worsening the experience.

He only managed to stutter out “I-I’m here for the, erm, you know, the thing you do for people? I, I’m sorry, I heard some girls talking about it and, I guess-” before he was cut off by Harry.

“Right, Louis,” Harry sighed again and pushed his hand through his hair, looking around before focusing on Louis which somehow made it worse as he said, “I don’t know what you’ve heard or what this is exactly, but it’s not happening. I’m not doing this, I’m sorry.”

“Why not?” he asked in a small voice, and could feel himself slumping down, as if the sheets could swallow him up. This was the worst day of his life.

“Because I can’t, not with you.”

And this was the poisoned cherry on his shit life of a cake. He gulped as Harry turned around, gritting out a last apology before taking hold of the door handle. He wanted to wait until he left the flat before he started really crying, didn’t want to make him feel bad for not being interested in Louis, or receive his pity for being this hopeful and pathetic virgin.

He didn’t control the sob that he let out when the door was beginning to close behind Harry’s body, but the music was loud and he wasn’t heard, so he put his head in his hands and started heaving as big tears left his eyes.

This was every emotion, each bit of stress he had felt for the last two weeks, coupled with some heavy lack of sleep and the biggest humiliation he had felt in his life, leaving him in the form of salty tears and troubled breathing. He wanted to roll up in a ball and have his own pity party, because how absolutely repulsive did he have to be to get rejected that way?

He was focusing so much on his own deafening thoughts he didn’t hear Harry calling for him until his hand was gripping Louis’ shoulder.

“Louis, Lou, love,” he kept calling until Louis let out an even louder and uglier sob, because now this was somehow even worse. “Hey, stop crying baby, I didn’t- why are you-” he seemed lost and overwhelmed, but decided to sink to his knees in front of Louis who was hunched over, putting him right in front of his face. “I need you to breathe with me love, can you do that?” Louis’ reply came in the form of a shaky nod even though he was still breathing and crying hard.

Harry took one of his hands, and Louis could only try and cover his face in shame with his right one, but Harry only put it on his torso between his ribs, taking a deep breath in, and out. He carried on for a few minutes, whispering sweet words of encouragement and reassurance to Louis, and calmed him down slowly but surely. Even when eventually he was barely struggling to breathe, Louis still hid his face in shame.

“You can leave now, I’m okay” he mumbled behind his palm, wanting Harry to leave so he could deal with his incredible embarrassment and pending headache on his own.

Instead, Harry took his other hand and kissed the palm, looking at Louis straight in his eyes as he held tightly both of his wrists. He was still speaking lowly, though it sounded terribly loud in Louis’ ears, as he asked “Are you really?” A nod. “What was that?” A shrug. “Do you want to talk to me?” One, two, three seconds of hesitation, then a nod. “Okay baby, let’s talk.”

“You-you rejected m-me,” Louis stuttered out, still hiccupping but he was trying to breathe and avoid Harry’s piercing gaze at the same time. “And-and I h-had a terri-ble week and I’m t-tired a-and was really loo-ooking forward to th-this b-but I’m too disg-gusting for y-you and, and,” Louis was beginning to cry again and how had this managed to get even worse?

Harry got up at that, and Louis’ heart and dignity broke a little more. He was going to leave again and Louis would never have sex with anyone ever because how could he live down the time he was rejected twice in a row by the most gorgeous guy he’d ever met? And by tomorrow he would be incredibly angry at Harry for doing such a thing, but for now he was too crushed to think straight and just anything that wasn’t pure self-loathing.

However, Harry took him by surprise again when he made him lie down on the bed. What was he doing exactly, fucking him out of pity? Because that was even worse, he might be pathetic but not to the point of accepting some pity sex, thank you very much.

Harry lay down next to him, on his back but looking at Louis, which prompted him to scoot closer to the wall, putting some distance so he wouldn’t get fooled by luscious curls and too-green-to-be-good eyes. Said eyes softened at that, and Harry opened his arms, waiting for Louis to get in the embrace.

“C’mere, let’s talk,” Harry said, way too softly for Louis’ sanity.

“I c-can talk from here.” Louis shook his head and hid his flaming and wet cheeks in the blanket, looking at Harry even though he wasn’t sure he should.

Harry sighed and dropped onto his back, pillowing his head on his bent arm. He looked up at the ceiling, and Louis felt his heart beat louder at the sight of his long lashes, his straight nose, his sharp jaw. He could stare at him all day if given the chance, map out all the features that took his breath away, take note of all the nuances in the green of his eyes and caress with his own the lines that connected all his beauty marks. He could have, but instead he took a shaky breath and listened to some sexier rendition of You’re The One That I Want coming from down below. Louis hated life’s irony, as he was staring at the one he wanted, a serenade to this exact feeling from his favourite musical playing in a rhythm that was just perfect to have sex to, and yet he wouldn’t be getting any tonight. Maybe ever.

“Listen,” Harry cut through his thoughts with his hoarse voice, and Louis stared at the bottom lip he seemed keen on eating his way through, “I know being a virgin can be seen as something to be ashamed of at our age, especially if everyone in your friend group has already done it and you feel left out.” He turned his eyes to Louis and moved them back up to the ceiling just as quickly, his throat working as he swallowed and Louis couldn’t help but lick his lips at that vision. “But, like, it’s not worth it. Going with the first bloke you find, I mean.” He scratched his eyes at that, before looking back at Louis in alarm. “Wait, not like- you don’t have to wait for marriage or anything and, and if you like, erm, mingle around,” Louis giggled at that stupid expression, but Harry still seemed on a quest to un-offend him “it’s cool too! Your body your choice, whatever, you know? I wouldn’t, y’know, shame you or-” Louis let out a wet laugh again and pushed his face further in the pillow under his head, which snapped Harry out of his rant. He smiled at Louis, whose heart skipped a beat, before clearing his throat and looking back up at the ceiling. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“Yup,” Louis replied, though so quietly he doubted Harry actually heard him.

Harry carried on anyway “What matters is that, you have to have sex with someone you actually want, and you trust and feel comfortable with. Every time, but especially the first one. It’s important, not because virginity is some God-given gift that should be preserved forever or whatever, but because it shapes your future experiences you know? And, like, there are only three rules to sex, so it’s cool to follow them. Better.”

“Rules?” Louis couldn’t help but ask, and Harry jumped a bit at that. His eyes lingered a bit longer this time, and he was still scrutinising every inch of Louis’ face as he replied.

“Consensual, safe and fun,” he licked his lip, then shook his head and sat up, looking at the door. “Not too complicated, just, everyone involved has to give their consent – and can take it back anytime. Also, use as much protection as needed, so condoms but also if you verge into more,” he trailed off, licked his hips and looked back at Louis for a second too long, who squirmed at the attention until Harry turned back to the door with a cough, “less vanilla territory let’s say. Yeah, any kinky shit needs, like, communication and safe words, but these are good to have no matter how, erm, ‘tame’ your sex life might be.”

His voice trailed off at that before the silence came back. He seemed lost in his thoughts for a minute, and Louis wondered how much he wanted to leave right about now. Maybe he was waiting for Louis to set him free. He wanted to stare at Harry’s back rising and falling with his deep breaths for a bit longer though.

“Oh, and have fun!” he finished louder, as if he had forgotten to say it beforehand. “No point in this whole sex thing if you’re not enjoying yourself.”

Harry looked back at him at that, and Louis could just feel how his cheek burnt up. Harry’s words were dancing around his head as he looked into his eyes, trying to convey just how much he wanted him and not just to lose his virginity. Maybe hiding behind this blanket with dried up tears on his cheek wasn’t helping. Neither was not saying it out loud.

Just as he went to open his mouth to say that, Harry stood up and turned his body entirely towards him.

“So, Louis, you’re truly lovely, but I want you to be sure of what you’re doing before having sex for your first time. I,” he cleared his throat and looked around the room, his jaw clenching and unclenching a few times before he added “I want you to truly, actually want it. You deserve better than that.” _Better than me_ is what rung in his ears. It sounded a lot like an excuse, a cheap line in a bad break up.

This was met with silence, again. Louis stared at Harry until he turned his head, their eyes meeting again. Louis wasn’t crying anymore; he had gone onto stage 2 quicker than he had thought.

He sat up on the bed, Harry’s eyes following the path of his left brace falling down his shoulder before Louis put it back on. Still not making a sound, Louis took the covers off from his body and put his feet on the ground. He went to grab his shoes that were sitting by the foot of the bed, put there way back when he still thought he would get laid, before deciding against it. He wasn't the one who would leave.

“You didn’t have to go through all this trouble,” Louis said, still in a small voice, surprising even himself.

“What?” Harry asked, seeming confused. Louis bit his tongue, before realising he had no reason to hold anything in.

“To let me down gently.” He shrugged and got up, walking towards a still very confused-looking Harry, who had his eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to reach out and smooth them over; instead he got close enough for their feet to almost touch and looked up as he continued through clenched teeth “You could have just said you’re not interested in me and left. Would have saved you the time to try and convince me I don’t want this.”

A beat passed, seething Louis and stunned Harry, before “Are you fucking serious?” he sounded absolutely incredulous, Louis shrugged and now their feet were definitely touching. “I was doing this for you, so you don’t just sleep with some, some, someone you’ll regret later – and you just shrug it off saying it’s a selfish act so I don’t break your heart?”

“Stop thinking you know what I want for fuck’s sake!” It was Louis’ turn to raise his voice, and Harry seemed to falter just long enough for Louis to carry on unstopped. “I don’t give a shit about popping my cherry or whatever you want to call it, I'm not in some race to get my first time over with, I want you, Harry fucking Styles, to fuck me into this mattress.”

“But-”

“And yes,” Louis cuts Harry off so he can let it all out before the other boy disappears from his life forever “I’m sure of what I want. So much so, I had to use this weird business you got going on to get you to do it, but I don’t even give a shit. Because I have never wanted anyone to just use me for their selfish pleasure before in my life, and even less trusted them to still look after me, so I doubt there’s a better choice for my first time, thank you very much.”

By the time Louis was finished, he was pretty sure he was red in the face considering how hot he felt. He was also heaving, breathing out heavily on Harry’s neck when he stopped looking up to meet his eyes. There, he thought he could see Harry’s pulse, beating an erratic rhythm that almost matched his own. For whatever reason that was, didn’t matter, as all that could be heard were the people having fun below and their heavy breathing.

His head was swimming with just how much he had said, feeling like he truly deserved his night of sleep now. Maybe by tomorrow this would have all been a very bad yet vivid dream.

He got up then, walked up to the door and said with a voice that dripped of sarcasm “Now go, if you so wish, my knight in shining armour.”

Before he could turn the knob, he was turned around and pinned to the walk next to the door.

“You want me to be fucking selfish, then so be it, princess,” Harry growled before kissing him fiercely.

Louis couldn’t do anything, his thoughts slipping away from his grasp just like the doorknob he was letting go of in favour of letting his arm lay limply by his side, his body sagging against the wall. His brain couldn’t seem to comprehend what was happening.

Harry’s pressing lips, moving relentlessly against his own immobile ones. His hand moving from Louis’ arm just to grab his jaw, fingers long enough to cup it entirely and open it. Just enough for his tongue to meet Harry’s, the sudden touch sending a jolt through his body.

Dream or not, he was going to make the most of this moment.

Finally, Louis brought his arms up to circle Harry’s neck, letting out a whimper as their tongues caressed each other. He could feel Harry’s smirk against his lips, just like he knew he had chewed gum before this, the contrast between the heat of his own mouth and the colder walls of Harry’s making his body feel extremely tingly.

Harry pressed harder suddenly, pinning him even more effectively against the wall, and Louis bit his lower lip in retaliation. Harry pulled away, his lips plumper, redder and definitely wetter than usual. Louis wanted to eat him. Instead, he let the butterflies eat his stomach as dark eyes traced over his messed-up hair, his flushed cheeks, his glazed eyes, down his neck and focused right there.

It took Louis a second too long to understand that he was about to be given his first hickey, but he couldn’t be too mad about it when the surprise made his toes curl in pleasure. He had a very sensitive neck, it turned out. Go figure.

“I want to do so much to you,” Harry whispered, just loud enough for it to be heard over the music, and left a lingering kiss a little above the first one, not doing anything to leave a mark yet. Louis got the feeling he was looking for something, and stopped thinking when breath hit his damp skin as Harry said in a hoarse voice, “Stuff you’ve never even dared thinking about, but I swear you’ll like it baby.”

“I’ve”, Louis cleared his throat and tried again with a less wobbly voice, it breaking the first time as Harry kissed a new area, just next to his Adam apple “I’ve got a very active imagination, don’t underestimate- oh fuck.”

Teeth nipped at his skin at the same time the lips he’d been dreaming about sucked at it. His head was fuzzy, he felt way too hot under all his clothes, but all he could really focus on was how his dick twitched as Harry brought his tongue into the mix. The heat building up in his groin was embarrassing, yet he only gripped tightly onto Harry’s hair to push him even more into his neck. At this point, even getting to come from getting a hickey by Harry would be enough to fuel his wank bank for the rest of his life.

He took this exact moment to detach his lips from Louis’ neck, and the whine that followed was completely involuntary.

“I’d love to hear about that someday” how was Harry carrying on a conversation? Were they even talking before? Why were they still wearing clothes? “but I have other plans for tonight.”

Louis noticed his own jaw was trembling, and looked up through his lashes at Harry. His eyes were too sweet, too kind for pupils that were still so big with lust, dancing between his eyes, lips and the blooming bruise on his neck.

His legs were about to give out and his heart was so loud Harry could probably hear it too. He needed Harry to do something about the tent in his jeans yesterday, but his mouth couldn’t form any word except a shaky “What?”

He wasn’t prepared for Harry’s large hands to pick him up right under his thighs - the squeal he let out at the action proof enough.

“I need you to trust me baby, can you do that?”

A wave of heat came over his entire body and his mind was floating somewhere high above the both of them. Harry had called him baby twice already. Louis wanted to giggle, but could only whimper uselessly again.

“Louis, you still want this? You’re okay?” Harry’s worried voice cut through the haze, and Louis nodded so harshly he swore he could feel his brain bouncing in his skull.

“Yes, yes, I do, I trust you, do whatever you want, just,” he let out a whine as Harry put him down on the bed, tightening the hold he had on him from both his arms and legs “please, Harry.”

Harry smiled reassuringly, and Louis was so attuned to everything he was doing he saw his Adam’s apple bobbing and felt his grip tightening on his waist.

“I know Lou, I’ll take care of you, I just-”

Harry stopped his sentence so abruptly Louis got worried. His face scrunched up as if he were in pain, he let his forehead drop against Louis’ sweaty fringe. Louis let him go, settling on the centre of the bed with scrunched brows. What was it now?

“I- fuck- I don’t have anything.”

“What do you mean?” Louis asked, wary.

“Like, lube and condoms. We can’t, fucking hell,” Harry started muttering under his breath, gripping his hair tightly before standing back up straight. “Maybe Taylor has something there, shit-”

He stopped at the feel of a hand against his jaw. Louis took a moment to appreciate it by running his index finger along its sharp line, humming under his breath in approval. His finger slid down Harry’s neck, following the movement with his eyes as he caressed his shoulder, traced the lines of his biceps he had dreamed of seeing flexed while being held up against a wall, and all until he gripped Harry’s wrist. He put his smaller hand over Harry’s, looking up at his face as he brought it to his lower back.

He guided it lower, passing the dimples in his back after Harry pressed his thumb in one of them, and slowly let it settle over his ass. However, he didn’t let it just rest there, putting it somewhere strategic and pressing until a flash of understanding passed Harry’s eyes. He couldn’t help but roll his own at that, his smile making clear he wasn’t actually annoyed.

“At least one of us came prepared,” Louis stated, the slight pause had let him gather his wits and he finished off with a “Mister Consensual, Safe and Fun.”

Harry grinned wide and slid the condom and small lube bottle out of Louis’ back pocket. When both were settled on the bed, right under the pillows, Harry surged forward and kissed Louis, pushing until he was on his back. He was smiling too much for it to be a proper kiss, but sue him: he’d been dreaming of this, multiple times a week, for the past months.

“You’re driving me crazy,” Harry said, breathing shaky.

Louis’ reply died on his tongue as Harry started unbuttoning his shirt, kissing each bit of skin that was revealed. On the third button down, he stopped, and Louis realised just how tightly he was clenching the sheets. Thinking he could take a breather as Harry paused, his open mouth ended up being his demise as he couldn’t help the moan he let out. Harry had moved his left brace just enough to put his mouth over Louis’ nipple and start playing with it.

If Louis thought his neck was sensitive, he wasn’t ready for the trembles that overtook his body as Harry lightly bit down on his nub. He couldn’t help his hips bucking up, just wishing he could get more friction, anything to make him topple over the edge.

All that got him was Harry moving away, kissing his way to his other nipple, somehow managing to keep unbuttoning his shirt at the same time. Louis tried not to think about how much experience he must have to do it so smoothly, which wasn’t too hard to achieve as Harry started much harsher on his other nipple, biting it sharply. Louis arched his back and fastened his legs around Harry’s hips, pulling him down with his calves.

His lower backside tingled and his groin got impossibly harder as their clothed dicks collided, rubbing against each other through too many layers. Louis wanted, _needed_ them both naked.

“Shh baby,” Harry said, biting between Louis’ pecs and reaching the end of his shirt, “we’ve got time, no need to rush,” he finished, though his voice sounded just as strained as Louis felt.

“Harry, Harry, please, I need-”, he lost his train of thought in a loud moan as Harry cupped him harshly, giving him a squeeze that made his eyes roll back. Someone else touching him was way more intense he’d ever thought it would be.

“Always knew you’d be loud for me Lou, so vocal and demanding.”

He lowered his head, biting on his way down to Louis’ crotch. Louis felt like he wasn’t in control of anything, squirming and moaning and gripping Harry’s hair so tightly it must have hurt. The electricity shooting through his entire body but always, always ending up where Harry was kissing him, was too much for any coherent thought.

He popped open the button of Louis’ jeans, and looked at him straight in the eyes as he peeled them off. Louis raised his hips, both to help him take them off and as a way to get attention on his dick, whatever it was.

Harry sat up once the jeans were laying on the floor next to the bed, his eyes going from his small ankles he was massaging, up to his toned legs, biting his lips when he reached the V of Louis’ stomach where his boxers were very low, smirking when he saw the bruises on his chest and his sore nipples, and licking his lips when they finally made eye contact. Louis was about to burst into flames as Harry seemed to drink in every single part of his body.

“Harry”, he whispered, voice broken.

That seemed to bring him back into action, as he rushed to take off his shirt, his abs flexing as he brought it over his head and Louis swore that one day, Harry would be the one laying down and he would have his way with him, getting a taste of everything he wanted. Until then, he laughed as Harry jumped up and down, in a way that was ridiculously cute, just to get off his jeans. Maybe they should have both met up in joggers. Or already naked.

As Harry was finally freed of all clothes except his boxers, Louis decided naked was the way to go. And honestly, why was Harry even bothering with keeping the underwear on, considering his dick was so big Louis could clearly see every detail through it. A hand palming it made him realise maybe he had been staring a bit too long and licking his lips a bit too obviously, and he blushed again when he saw Harry’s smirk.

He twisted his fingers in the sheet, feeling hot all over and incredibly needy. If he were listening to his urges, he would have jumped Harry, forced him to comply to his needs, whatever way that would be. Restraining himself seemed like a better plan for now.

Harry was walking towards the bed, slow steps, looking like a predator. Louis felt like he would jump out of his skin any time now, heated gaze following the movements of his rapidly rising chest. At that exact moment, he just wanted it quick and dirty. Little prep, Harry just putting it in and making him reach his high in less than five minutes, and then sleeping it off. It didn’t even matter that he knew full well he would regret that tomorrow, not taking his time to actually appreciate what might be his only chance.

Somehow, Harry seemed to get it.

He bent down as he reached Louis’ knees, stroking his flushed cheek. Their lips met again, slow and deliberate this time, their tongues meeting in the middle as Louis couldn’t help but let sighs out. Fingers kept stroking his skin softly, not trying to garner any pleasure for either party, just caressing it. He didn’t know if that was what Harry was aiming for, but he was soothed and, while still as worked up, his mind was calm even as electricity followed from Harry’s fingers onto his skin.

A hand reached his pulled-up leg, easing it back on the bed with pressure on his inner thigh. Then, it inched lower and lower, ending right as Harry’s thumb was straight on his balls and his middle finger was circling his rim, spreading lube at the same time. Louis bit his lip in retaliation for the teasing, but all that brought him was a tragic lack of kissing. He whined, opening his eyes for the first time in a few minutes, feeling dizzy.

“You still want to do this?” Harry asked, and though he didn’t stop his ministrations, he sounded too serious for Louis to risk not answering. So he nodded, a string of ‘yes’’ tumbling out of his mouth. Harry’s dimple came out full force, and Louis couldn’t help but poke it, absolutely fascinated by it for a second before a finger breached his entrance. “Have you ever touched yourself like this before, love?”

“I-yes, twice.” He planned to stop here, didn’t feel like revealing more, but then his stomach clenched as the first knuckle went in and he couldn’t help when he moaned out, “Thinking about you.”

“Oh? Thinking about me doing this to you?” Harry asked, voice sweet but Louis had seen his eyes go even darker. Nonetheless he nodded again, then shrugged, his blush coming back to make him guilty. “Or was it more like this?” He punctuated the last word by pushing the finger in entirely.

Louis turned his head to the side, struggling to breathe in. The finger felt foreign, and a bit uncomfortable. It wasn’t as painful as he had expected it to be, as the first time he had done it to himself, but it wasn’t as pleasurable either. If this was what sex was like, he would be thoroughly disappointed – or at least never bottom again.

However, Harry seemed to understand every little twitch in his face, and to also know how to play him like a violin. His hand was big enough to comfortably circle his cock, and the pleasure came right back to him.

“Don’t be impatient, little love, all comes to those who wait.”

“And those who wait all come?” Louis managed to breathe out on an upward stroke, and Harry seemed taken aback before he laughed, hiding his face in Louis’ neck, who followed him suit.

“Does my funny boy want another finger?” Harry asked while nipping at his neck, and Louis bit his lip as to not actually giggle. He clenched around the digit, and it seemed like enough of an answer.

The second finger was more painful already, but the glide was smooth with the sheer amount of lube Harry was using. It got pleasurable as he moved his hand in and out, scissoring his fingers every once in a while. He was murmuring encouraging words to Louis, throwing in a pet name in between his advice to relax and his bitey kisses all over his neck and jaw. Louis felt he could burst from the attention he was getting everywhere, especially when the bundle of nerves under his foreskin was massaged right as his nipple was bitten.

Nothing compared to Harry pushing in the third finger, having stopped stroking Louis in fear he would come too early. It was the most painful stretch yet, Louis himself having stopped at two fingers both times, but he only took to moaning in Harry’s mouth. He was covered in spit and sweat, something at the back of his brain telling him he should probably be grossed out. Harry took this moment to grip his jaw, asking him if he was ready. He replied positively, even though he wasn’t sure exactly what to, and Harry smirked.

“Don’t close your eyes or hide your face”, he ordered as if Louis could even detach his eyes from the green ones in front of him, or his face from the hand holding it in place.

Louis opened his mouth to say as much, but was caught short when all of Harry’s prodding suddenly made sense to him. He let out a guttural moan, but forced his eyelids to stay open at least a little so he could stare at Harry through his lashes. The pressure on his prostate was unyielding, and he took to letting out all the tension in his body through deep scratches on Harry’s back.

Something opened underneath his back and he was falling, everything was too dull and too sharp at the same time, but nothing felt as clear as the mind-numbing pleasure shooting all the way up his spine. He was heaving, his entire lower area was tingling, as if the pleasure was actually bubbling in there. The noises he was letting out where embarrassingly loud, but Harry looked as if he would die or kill Louis if he dared stop making them.

“Imagine how much more my cock can give you, Lou,” he grunted as he went back to pushing in and out, hitting his prostate on every thrust.

“Please,” Louis quietly begged, his voice cracking at the end of it.

“What? I didn’t hear you,” Harry requested and Louis couldn’t even bother to care whether he was serious or not, especially as the bundle of nerve weren’t receiving any attention anymore.

“Please, please, Harry please fuck me in the next minute or I swear on my life I will find someone else to do it,” he rambled, growing more and more impatient with each word leaving his mouth, ready to do good on his threat.

“No, you won’t,” he got as a reply, accompanied by an amused look.

Louis just raised his eyebrow, checking if Harry was actually challenging him. Both were unmoving, and he let out a snort. Alright then.

He gripped Harry’s forearm and pushed at it until he was completely empty. Then, he got up and walked fully naked to the door. The way his leg shook was only slightly embarrassing. He only managed three steps away from the bed anyway, before he was grabbed by two strong arms, bringing him back down, Harry on top of him once again.

“Want me to chase you, pup?” Harry asked, but something about his grip was too possessive for the laughter in his voice to be genuine.

“I want to get fucked,” he replied, unashamed.

“Oh no, baby,” sweet voice and tighter restraint, hopefully leaving bruises on his ribs. “You want to get fucked by me and me only.”

It sounded like a reminder. Louis couldn’t be sure if it was to tease him, or to claim him. His hopeful self won and he decided Harry was very much keen on keeping Louis to himself, if only for the night. He felt pleased following this revelation and grew even more confident.

“Sure, babe, but if I feel unsatisfied with the way you treat me,” he left it hanging as he trailed his fingers straight between the line of Harry’s stomach muscles, watching them clench as he caressed his happy trail, only to grab his dick firmly in hand and look him straight in the eye “I’m sure I’ll find another, better one of those.”

Harry’s moan rippled out of his chest, prompting Louis to stroke him through the layer of clothes. He seemed to struggle to hold himself up on his forearms, and Louis kissed the trembling one right next to his head, at which Harry regained his sense and bucked up into Louis’ hand once more before kneeling above Louis.

“Handjobs will wait for another time, Lou.” Louis positively beamed at the idea of doing this again, but focused back on the present when Harry’s hands gripped the side of his boxers and started inching them down slowly, revealing the top of his laurels tattoo.

Louis couldn’t handle the show that was being given to him, felt himself twitch with the need to just yank them down, rip it all off like a band-aid. He couldn’t look away either, transfixed as he caught a glimpse at the top of Harry’s dick. It seemed rock hard and big under the cloth, and if this teasing didn’t stop in the next minute he would scream.

As if he could read his thoughts, Harry chuckled, and Louis just huffed. He wasn’t opposed to laughter during sex, that sounded good even, but not when it was mockery for his frustration.

He sat up just to hit Harry’s hands and yank the underwear down. The laughter immediately stopped, and the air felt even thicker than before. Staring at the cock that stood straight after being freed, a breath away from his mouth, Louis opened it slightly without even realising it. He felt saliva pool under his tongue, and he was so close, could just take it out and get a taste.

“Lou,” Harry hushed, but he sounded rougher, and Louis got even closer, his lower lip touching the red head. “Louis, baby,” Harry said again, firmer, and brought his hand to Louis’ hair to have him looking up. He raised his eyes so he wouldn’t lose the point of contact, loved the idea he could just dart out his tongue a little and do what he wanted, but would restrain himself until Harry said he could. Their eyes meeting again felt electric, but the rubbing at the base of his neck was sweet. “I would love to put that pretty mouth to use, trust me I would, and I love foreplay as much as the next guy, but…” His other hand came up to his cheek, thumb stretching his lip and Louis wrapped them around it, tongue licking at its underside. The towering man seemed to have lost his train of thoughts, instead making a thrusting movement with his finger, before he cleared his throat and said, “But if you did that to my dick, I would come in exactly five seconds. And I really, really want to fuck you tonight.”

“Just a lick Harry,” Louis argued, mouth still full of the thumb, the smooth foreskin resting on his chin now. “A taste, please.” He swirled his tongue pointedly then, humming in his throat and gaze unyielding even as he lowered his eyelids.

Harry nodded from above him, looking as if he were in a trance, as if he didn't realise he made that movement. Louis didn’t wait a second before he brought his head back down and actually went through with the licking of his slit. The taste was far from good, but the moan above him and the weight of a dick on his tongue was enough to get him whining as well. Something about feeling both overpowered and powerful at the same time made his own dick twitch, and he suckled on what little he had in his mouth, milking the small moment for all it was worth.

He could feel the blood pumping underneath the skin, every twitch and hardening of it. He let his tongue pull the foreskin back, and a blurt of precome landed straight on the middle of his tongue. The sensation made him crave more, wanting his mouth absolutely full, but before he could lower more with his now hollowed cheeks, he was stopped.

“Fuck, fuck, okay enough,” Harry ordered and moved him away with a pull of his hair, and Louis whined even though he knew it was coming. “Should’ve put a condom, shit, never give blowjobs without a condom Louis”, he finished sternly, and no matter how much the smaller man wanted to roll his eyes he only nodded.

“Got no cuts in me mouth though, and I’m pretty sure you’re clean or you wouldn’t be here,” Louis replied, which both sounded like perfectly valid arguments.

“Why do you trust me like this?”

“Because if you give me an STD Taylor will actually chop your dick off,” he remarked with a shrug, and Harry smiled at that, shaking his head in agreement.

“Either way,” he changed the subject not subtly, “you need to stop talking about Taylor, and I am going to teach you how to put on a condom.”

“This is starting to sound too much like 7th grade Sex ed, it’s disturbing,” he remarked with a scrunch of his nose. Imagining his teacher from back then being in this exact situation was about as good as it got to turn him off completely.

“Then you should be calling me Sir and wearing a proper school girl’s outfit,” Louis prayed to all deities above that Harry didn’t see his dick twitch, “which you aren’t, so let me give you important advice, you prick.”

Louis huffed but sat back on his haunches obediently, taking the condom lying next to him. He looked at Harry pointedly as he ripped the pack open with his teeth, being careful not to damage the rubber inside. A big hand landed next to his face, palm up, asking for the condom. He only bit the index finger, closest to his mouth, and took Harry’s shaft in hand again. He pinched the top of the plastic, then carefully rolled it out over the hard and leaking dick that was back way too close to his face. He felt like Eve, and this was the forbidden fruit.

He knew better than succumbing to it though. And such a situation hardly qualified as a time for biblical references.

“That good, Sir?” Louis asked innocently, lubing his hand up but not letting his eyes wander from Harry’s face. The look that crossed it at that last word, as if he were ready to pin Louis down and take him just like this, dry and rough, was forever ingrained in his mind. The grunt he let out as the small hand started rubbing the lube on his dick was next in the ‘wank material’ file.

Louis was good at teasing. It wasn’t always sexual, but he was good at all the ‘before’ stuff, good at working people up. He loved playing and not knowing how far it would take him. This time however, he knew full well what was awaiting them as he dropped his hand and laid on the soft but rumpled sheets. All this build-up had been leading him straight to this moment, and his heart was beating so hard he was scared he would be that idiot dying right before he actually got laid for the first time.

As per usual, Harry seemed to sense something different in the air – or maybe Louis was just incredibly obvious – and leant down to kiss him. Louis got lost in their breaths mingling and tongues colliding, and he felt as if he could do this all day, even through the jaw aches. He was brought back to the present with the feel of something hard against his rim, and he jolted. Harry was looking at him so sweetly though, as if stopping right now to just cuddle would be more than enough for him. His heart stuttered at that, and he just knew he was blushing again. Still? Maybe red was forever embedded on his cheeks now.

“Do you still want to do this, Louis?” Harry asked, even though he could surely feel just how hard Louis was under his stomach. He still felt a surge of affection for the boy who put his wants first.

“Yes, been waiting too long, just get in me Styles,” he replied with a bite at Harry’s bottom lip.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

He gripped his cock and pushed in, ever so slowly, breaching him inch by inch. Louis took deep breaths, trying his best to relax no matter how painful it was. He knew it would be worth it, and it already felt like it was with Harry dimpling down at him, looking at him as if he were the most beautiful thing in the world. Louis couldn’t resist bringing their lips together again, and he felt a hand move to start fondling his balls at the same time he was penetrated deeper and deeper.

It was too much and not enough, yet he still felt breathless. He could only open his mouth and bring air in, so Harry took to whispering praises to him, “such a good boy, taking me so good, being all lovely just for me.”

Louis licked and bit messily his jaw, making his way down as best he could, and he felt Harry seating himself entirely right as he reached Harry’s pulse point. As a distraction, he started sucking hard, feeling the vibrations of Harry’s moan under his lips. The hand on his dick stroked him slowly, light touches enough to drive him crazy but not to make him come. Not like it would take long once Harry moved.

Which, “Move, Harry,” he said with lips still attached to his neck, and bit down under his hickey as Harry pulled out just as slowly as he had pushed in.

All the moves from Harry’s part were slow but deep, making him feel every inch of his dick. Louis was growing absolutely crazy, had tried bringing his legs up to push him down forcefully just for them to be put over Harry’s broad shoulders. He had also moved his hand to the back of his neck, the hold firm enough for Louis not to move his head. As a retaliation, Louis was pulling on his hair every time his prostate was neared but not touched.

The pressure in his belly was building up, Harry’s index and middle fingers rubbing up and down with the same amount of pressure as before, in time with the movement of his hips. Louis was hiccupping on every upward move, couldn’t help all the awkward noises escaping him, couldn’t muffle them in a pillow.

He could just lie there and take it, looking at Harry with teary eyes. He felt his vision blur, his entire body on fire, rocking with the gentle pace Harry had set.

Louis had an urge, pulled his hand out of the tangled mess of Harry’s hair to grip the hand that was cupping his neck. Harry was not breaking eye contact, no matter how many times Louis’ eyes closed or moved back down to see how his dick disappeared in his hole. This time though, they flickered to their intertwined hands, Louis fitting his fingers in the spaces between Harry’s, and followed the movement as they were moved to Louis’ chin.

He was so close, could feel his balls drawing to his body, he just needed a little push. He found it in the form of bringing two of Harry’s fingers to his mouth, closing it around them and looking at him pleadingly. He slurped loudly then, separated them with his tongue and hollowed his cheeks right after to bring them back together. Harry’s pupils were blown like never before, and he thrust his fingers in deep right as his dick reentered the petite body under him harshly, hitting him straight in his prostate this time. Louis cried out at the sensation, the sound distorted by the fingers that were almost at his throat, and started to come.

It carried on as Harry’s movements got sharper, not relenting on his prostate, not letting him breathe through all the stimulation he was getting for a full minute. Right as he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, the pleasure too intense to carry on, he felt Harry pulse inside the condom.

Louis, who wanted to make this pleasurable for him as well, tugged sharply on his hair and his nipple at the same time, and Harry pushed deep inside of him and dropped his head on his neck. His breath felt cool against his skin, and he could feel their hearts beating in sync. Swallowing one last time around the fingers in his mouth, he pulled at the tattooed arm lying against his shoulder and intertwined their fingers again, something settling inside him.

He felt absolutely sated.

Harry began to stir soon after, pulling his soft cock out, and Louis became terrified that he would get up and leave. After all, that was probably the most logical conclusion, right?

He froze when he felt wet kisses on his throat, trailing up to his jaw, his chin, and settling on his lips. He stared wide eyed, and somehow this felt more intense than anything else before. The kiss was short and chaste, and Harry pulled up, looking at him with a dizzying smile that made Louis’ lips turn up of their own accord. Harry’s hair was flowing around his face, tickling Louis’ cheek where it reached him, and he looked like a proper teenager right there, so soft and vulnerable. Louis wanted to take a snapshot of this and keep it forever, the crinkle by his eyes and the dimples in his cheeks. Instead, he covered his mouth with his hand as he let out a giggle.

“No, baby, no hiding that sweet thing from me,” Harry said as he kissed the back of Louis’ hand, pulling it to the side suddenly so their lips met instead. He pinned his wrist to the bed and licked into his mouth again, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb on the smaller palm.

Louis didn’t question it; didn’t even pretend he was bothered with all the stickiness all over his body and the dull pain in his lower back. He brought his hands up, circling them behind Harry’s neck and got lost in the make-out session.

It took way too many small pecks from Louis for Harry to actually decide to get up, and then two more before he ran to the bathroom to bring back a flannel to clean them up. Louis had insisted he could move and do it himself, but Harry had made a very compelling argument in the promise of more sex at a later date if he just “listened and stayed put for a few minutes”.

He laughed as he saw Harry’s white bum bounce around as he crossed the corridor, but could feel the tiredness seeping into his body, making every limb feel heavy. He was barely conscious when he felt something soft rub against his skin, particularly delicate when nearing his bum. He still found it in himself to thank him with a half-hearted kiss that was mostly on his cheek, but from the happy huff he heard it didn’t seem to bother Harry too much.

After a few more minutes of rustling around, he moved back next to the bed, and Louis peeked his eye open enough to check if he was still busy. When he caught him doing nothing but staring at him, he yanked him by his forearm, earning a yelp and a heavy weight on his stomach.

Through much rolling around, giggles and elbows hitting painful places, they got under the cover, Louis’ head on Harry’s chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat and inhaling his scent as he drifted off for good.

He dreamed of going downstairs and yelling out in the middle of the party ‘I just lost my virginity’ and then going back into Harry’s arms for a lot more time. He’ll settle for forever.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this mess, and if you did you can reblog the  fic post  on tumblr (pls and thank u)  
> it’s supposed to have a part 2 which I can hopefully write in less than 3 months but let’s not get too hopeful  
> you can find me @quelquesetoiles on tumblr if you’re interested, and don’t forget to drink plenty of water kiddos!


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